Setting a boundary can feel selfish, especially if you grew up keeping the peace. But a boundary isn’t a punishment. It is information about what you can and can’t do, so people know how to be in a relationship with you.
The four-part script
- Fact: say what’s happening, without blame. “When meetings get booked over my lunch…”
- Feeling: use an “I” statement. “…I end up rushed and drained.”
- Ask: make one clear request. “Please check with me before booking 12 to 1.”
- Follow-through: decide what you’ll do if it continues. “If it’s booked, I’ll decline it.”
Shorter versions
- “I can’t take that on this week.”
- “Let me think about it and get back to you.”
- “I’m not able to talk about this right now. Can we pick it up tomorrow?”
About the guilt
Guilt is common when you’re new to boundaries. It often means you are doing something unfamiliar, not something wrong. Notice it, name it, and let it pass without taking the boundary back.
If speaking up could put you at risk of being hurt, threatened or controlled, your safety comes first. A script isn’t the right tool in that situation; please reach out for support.
- Boundary Scripts (PDF) — ready-to-use words for work, family and relationships.
- Self-Compassion Reset (PDF) — a three-minute practice for when you’re being hard on yourself.
Continue with the Boundaries & People-Pleasing pathway.
Ready to talk it through?
Tools can help, and you don’t have to figure it out alone. A free 15-minute consult is a low-pressure way to ask questions and see whether working together feels right.
Need help right now?
If you or someone else is in immediate danger, call 911 or go to your nearest emergency department. You can call or text 9-8-8 (Suicide Crisis Helpline, 24/7). Under 18? Call Kids Help Phone at 1-800-668-6868 or text CONNECT to 686868.
This page is for general education. It is not a diagnosis and not a substitute for care from a regulated health professional. Last reviewed: October 2026.